Omg Amber,
You are a saint to have stayed with your husband this long!! Hon, you joined sr over 11 years ago. I couldn't even imagine what you and your daughter have witnesses over those years.
I would also recommend alanon. It's no different then aa for alcoholics, we have to be ready to hear what they are saying. I also agree about your daughter seeing a counselor at school, I am sure she could use some guidance. Us codies have so many secrets that we hide from the world, it can make us mentally, and physically ill.
We understand and see that you "love" your husband, but can see that nothing has changed in all that time. You feeling that you can "save" him is just not possible. The old saying "you need to put on your oxygen mask first" applies here. You need time to get your head on straight. Can you tell his parents that u can no longer live with him. Whats going to happen one day is you or your daughter will come home and he will be dead in the house. Then both of you will have to mentally deal with that for the rest of your life. This is just not fair to you or her.
Please don't pretend like this didn’t happen "again". Think of your childs well being and try and get him out of the house or you get out. I am sending you and your precious daughter bear hugs my friend. We do all care and understand that you did not sign up for this when you married him. Let his parents love him into sobriety, you can't do it anymore.