BrendaChenowyth

This has been a really fun journey.. getting out of the shackles of my addiction to alcohol, the relief of getting past the initial hard parts, and starting to get to know myself, starting to feel whole, capable, and responsible..

It's usually this time of night when fears, insecurities and regrets come back in.. The thing is, the more clarity I am able to see with, the more I examine and resolve things, and learn how to look at life for what it is, situations for what they are, other people for who they are.. Illusions and delusions are being shattered, and I suddenly feel lost in certain places... because I saw them one way, and they were really a different way...

Deep breath... good air in... bad air out... I've been doing a lot of that tonight.

I am letting go of what I can't control.. I am disentangling my emotions from certain situations, for the sake of my own well being... I am just having a hard time looking back at all the examples of how self-centered my view of my world and other people has been.. especially in the past year, and I don't know how I go forward with certain relationships knowing that everything I once thought about our relationships was wrong..

Alcohol screwed up my perception of my world SO badly... that now without that, seeing it clearly, I feel lost in it.. I'm surrounded by people I do not know at all.. I'm scared.