I might have said this here or somewhere else, but after a while beating yourself up over things you cannot change just gets self indulgent.
I'm not saying that to put you down or dismiss your pain SSOH but a lot of us would recognize the behaviour of dealing with something we cannot fix - and winding ourselves up so much that we drink over it.
It's the ghost of old behaviours,
If you can make amends make amends - when the time is right for all parties.
Then move on.
If you can't make amends do the next best thing - live 'right'.
There's nothing we can do about past events or mistakes, but there's an amazing amount we can can do with each new day.
It would be a shame to miss that because we were facing the other way
D