The only relationship that my drinking completely destroyed was my last boyfriend (first relationship after the death of my husband 5 years ago). We were very close, in love, planning the future etc. Then came the drinking....he was blown away because I wasn't a drinker for the first 18 months of our relationship. Sooooo it was bad. And because I was truly in denial that this relationship was very bad for me, I tried to hang on like hell. Going from soooo apologetic, to angry and resentful. So that's probably what absolutely killed the dying horse. If I wanted the relationship to have a chance (which in hindsight would have been really bad) I should have let him be, focused on my recovery and let things play out. But instead I tried to force and control the situation, to no avail.
So what I'm saying is, focus on you. If there have been many misadventures that have led to her decision then I'm guessing you've said 'I'm sorry, I'll never do it again' more than a few times. She's sick of it. So the only amends you can make is to focus on your recovery and prove, first to yourself, then to anyone that might be watching, that you are truly embracing recovery. But what she does is up to her. Respect her space. Focus on you and your kids. Actions speak much louder than words. Its hard to do, believe me I know, but it the only way, IMO.