I'm still here and sober. I'm trying to move forward but I just wish I could start over from scratch so I wouldn't have these years and years of awful memories. Scared to death of what might happen 3 years from now when the sting wears off. I cannot allow that to happen. With alcohol or porn. Both have corrupted my mind, soul, everything. Everytime I get a small glimer of joy or happiness, I'm reminded of all the things I've done and tell myself I'm not allowed to feel this way.