For anyone dealing with an alcoholic who exhibits narcissistic tendencies, the article linked to below is a must read.
A quoted section from the article ...
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"My experiences in various Alanon and ACOA meetings is that they are full of scapegoats and ostracized family members. In one I went to, between a third and a half of the attendees either had no relationship with their family members or barely any contact with family members (aka very strained, superficial relationships).
It was shocking for me to learn this! And also upsetting and baffling.
In most of the Alanon meetings I have attended, the people in them are gentle, quiet, reasonable, responsible, respectful souls.
The attendees that show up every week for years and years are community leaders, teachers, therapists, yoga instructors and nurses with altruistic motives, people who have worked very hard on themselves to do the right thing, to go way out of their way to help others without expecting anything in return.
In short, they seem like the most empathetic members of society.
When I think of the people in these groups, I think of the doting nurses in hospitals who allay your fears, and make sure you are comfortable as you transition through a scary and emotional time. Some even seem downright saintly. And these are the hated black sheep of their families? I was aghast! How did it end up this way?
Scapegoating (in terms of the family) means being bullied by the entire family. The family picks on one of its members, blames that person for everything that goes wrong in the family, desperately goes on fault finding missions to explain away abuse, and (mis)interprets the victims feelings in an ugly way to further convict and bully (more explanation coming soon).
So, as it turns out, the most bullied members of society are in the helping professions: nurses and school teachers as evidenced by this NPR broadcast here.
The scapegoating of these kinds of members of society actually makes sense when you research why.
Alcohol destroys the part of the brain that is in control of empathy (NBC article here). The disorder associated with a lack of empathy is Narcissistic Personality Disorder (alcoholism can mimic this disorder has been well documented in psychiatric literature).
Narcissists constantly indulge in situations where all blame for life events and relationships that go wrong are heaped onto someone outside of himself, usually a scapegoat.
The documentation for Narcissists who pick a child to be his or her favorite (usually labeled a golden child who can do no wrong), and another child to be a scapegoat (who is the least favored and can do no right) is well established in psychiatric literature also. ...
The Scapegoat role is assigned to the child who has the least amount of traits of the Narcissistic parent (usually a sensitive empath).
Since alcoholic brain damage mimics Narcissism, the Narcissist chooses a scapegoat in the family who is the most sensitive and empathetic and heaps all blame for what has gone wrong on this member (while convincing other family members who share similar bullying characteristics to help in ganging up on the scapegoat).
And who are the most empathetic members of society? Nurses, school teachers, yoga instructors, home health aides and the like. "
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The full article is here ...
Misadventures with Angry Alcoholics, Bullies and Narcissists: ostracism and being the scapegoat in the alcoholic family