Many, many thanks to those who replied. I have been away from work (and computer) or I would have replied sooner.
Today I ordered the Book "Stop Walking on Eggshells". It is a book for loved ones who live with a person with BPD. It's kind of sad that I need a manual for dealing with my daughter, but that's life with BPD, I guess.
dmajor7th: thanks for your insightful comments about how it feels to be you, and about how you would like your loved ones to repsond to you. Those comments will remind me to be as gentle as possible, when the next crisis appears (and there is always some sort of crisis happening - if it is not alcohol related, then it involves suicide threats, cutting, paranoid behaviour, etc...)
In the past I was often very angry with my daughter when she did upsetting things. I am in Alanon now and I rarely vent my anger on her anymore. That is a good start.
Robina