That's exactly it Kboy. When he sobers up he comes back to the sweet and special man that I fell in love with the first time (though I still have never really gotten over the affair and given that I discovered it only a couple months ago, its tarnished my genuine love for him never mind the drinking).
But yes that is what my brain does - my therapist likes to tell me to stop looking at the small slice of the whole pie - the small slice being the good times, the friendship , the fun, the sex, the onslaught of attention, the connection, etc and zoom out and look at all the other slices - the separation from his current wife, the absent father, the drinking, the cheating, the lying, the verbal and emotional abuse. Then ask yourself if this is what you want your life to be.
I don't know what awaits at home, but likely what always does when he vanishes - a passed out alcoholic cradling vodka on my couch. I hope I at best I walk into that. I want the power to walk in and demand he leave and if not, have police take him. At least it will be something different. Maybe losing the job and me will be that bottom. Maybe not. But at least with a different action there may be a different result.
He has a wife and mother who can bail him out. There's nothing left for me.