Thank you for the great support and words of advice. I understand that I can no more blame him than blame myself for allowing it. That's the insanity of it all. I am expecting him to act rationally but that's not what alcoholics do. It's just that when he isn't actively drinking he is very much rational so it's almost like I lose him in these moments and a demon takes over. It's been a very rough couple of days, but I am finally heading back home tonight and will face him. I have been away on business so it's been worse not knowing what is happening at home. Yesterday when I finally talked to him and got a hold of him he seemed so normal. His job even was giving him a final chance and he went in to sign the agreement - or so I thought. So far no word in the last 24 hours so I guess he ran off again with his friend vodka.
I just want this to be over.