I'm really sorry that you had to go through this. I went through the same thing with two Siamese siblings. It wasn't until their second year that one became intensely territorial and began physically attacking the other cat. One cat got a huge bite on his head which became infected and the other lost a tooth. At that point, having tried everything, we rehired one of the boys. It was terribly hard and I felt like a failure, but I quickly realized it was the best thing that could have happened.
As long as you continue to turn to alcohol in stressful moments, you will never be able to know the freedom and strength of managing those times 'on your own', with no alcohol. Your self-esteem will improve and your whole life will improve.