We have to start facing unpleasant feelings, and finding out that they won't really hurt us. We drink to numb the feelings we don't want to feel, we keep our back to the world, avoid interactions with other people, and just stay drunk instead. We get over the need to do that by learning that we can live without it.
They ask you if you have a job yet, you say no, you're still looking, the conversation moves on, unless they have some suggestions because they want to help... To be honest, the feeling of judgment you get, comes from within you, not from them.
We can't keep closing ourselves off from family. Those people aren't going to be around forever. We don't want to find out they're gone and know that the last time we were given an opportunity to see them we decided to stay away because we had some reservations about what they would think of us.
I drove two hours yesterday to go to my niece's 9th birthday party. It was noon and I didn't work til 5: 30 so I had time.. I didn't really know many people, just my niece and my brother and his wife and her mom.. the latter two were the only ones that were thrilled I came. My niece wanted to play with her friend, and my brother who has a lot of issues was not even in the room for cake and presents. He probably doesn't even have the social awareness to think anything of the fact that I drove two hours just to make an appearance at a family gathering. My sister in law's mom asked me what I was up to (that's what you do when you haven't seen someone) and I said working and getting ready to go back to school. I didn't feel guilt because I have a low paying job, am re-enrolling in school after dropping out twice and I currently live with my mother.