sainos, I read your post in the other thread about how reading so many books about people's drinking histories left you feeling more inclined to drink. I had a similar reaction. To me staying focused on alcohol gave it more power and presence in my life. In order to get sober and well I started what I felt was forward motion and momentum. I too, was ecstatic to realize that I was completely in control of this one thing in my life...how many things can we really say that about? And to realize I was completely in control of what was harming me meant I could say "no more, never again".
The first year was like being in a relationship with a new person, I rediscovered so many things about myself that I had abandoned for a liquid in a glass. I could plot a course again and steer my own ship. I focused on the world that opened up because I put the bottle down. I had a sense of expansiveness. I got my dignity back.
Saying "no more" meant I stepped out into the sunlight. The possibilities that opened up were endless, it was like being granted a reprieve from the gallows. I look back and shudder, the hopelessness of trying to grab onto something that was killing was the bleakest time in my life. I can look at myself in the mirror now, I never worry that I said or did anything that I don't remember, and the benefits of sobriety continue to astound me.
sorry, i just realized I posted this in the wrong thread, I meant to respond in your other thread.
