I have had a really hard time and been through a lot. I figure if anyone else feels bad, doesn't get a "pink cloud" or can't sleep right ever again... if I can do it so can they. I never had a pink cloud anywhere in life and my best days were my drinking days. It was the only happiness I ever had and now it's over.
My motivating factor is simply to see "what happens" and not to die before my abusers. They would only love to see their behavior come to fruition and me die early of addiction or alcoholic disease. It would be the perfect "perpetrator as victim" scenario. If I were an active alcoholic who then died, they could get sympathy and paint me any way they like- with themselves as the poor victims, conveniently editing out the many, many years of abuse they inflicted upon me.
I just learned that an old boss of mine who bullied me out of the work place "resigned".