I hope this thought helps. I got this from a friend at an AA meeting. We were discussing our weaknesses and the concept of envy. To me at least this was a very enlightening thought. John said that he often wondered why he was such a screwed up person. Then he realized that he was comparing his inside thoughts and fears to everyone else’s outside façade that tried to hide all their defects from the world. Perhaps this applies to your situation too? At least speaking from my personal experience I have all sorts of dark thoughts that I would never share openly.
What’s “normal” anyway?