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Old 10-12-2016, 02:23 AM
  # 21 (permalink)  
Gottalife
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
 
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
My family generously offered to change their behavior when I was getting sober. I declined, it was my problem not theirs, and nothing they could say or do would have any impact on whether I got sober or not.

Part of the picture would be what you husband is doing for his recovery. In my experience the type of program will have a bearing on the outcome. I.e. Will the person continue to live in fear of alcohol, or will they get complete freedom from the influence of alcohol.

Fear might say that we can't be around drinkers, we have to hide from alcohol, but alcohol is part of life, and unless we want to isolate socially because our friends might drink, we need a better basis for ou r sobriety. Though not drinking, I.f alcohol or the presence of influences where you can go or what you can do, then perhaps the suffere still has an alcoholic mind.

Conversely, the AA program suggests that we should not ask our loved ones and friends to change their behavior because we no longer drink. We explain why we don't drink, our friends usually understand, and we can meet the conditions of the main stream of life without problems. There is no need to withdraw from life.

If your husband is sober through the AA program, then he is not breaking any rules, just following suggestions. It probably should be a joint decision. If you like a dry house for its own sake, how could he object? On the other hand, he may just be saying you don't need to sacrifice your enjoyment on his account.
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