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Old 10-11-2016, 01:13 PM
  # 13 (permalink)  
lizatola
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Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 2,349
Thanks everyone. I waffle between feeling like I let my kid down to thinking that it will be Ok. MY own sponsor enabled her son, who has LDs and bipolar depression, and now she has a 23 year old living at home on her dime who doesn't work, never went to college, etc and she's encouraging me to practice tough love so I don't wind up where she is.

Here's the deal. My ds has admitted he is lazy. He comes right out and tells me so. I told him years ago that I needed him to step up. We started a daily task list that he could use to keep track of his chores and school assignments. It works for a few months and then it all falls apart. I've tried various ways to work with him, I've reached out to his teachers, I've asked for referrals for job programs for teens, and I've been driving this since before I moved in with the bf.

I often wonder just how bad his disabilities are and how much he plays me. As much as I hate to say it, I wonder if he just 'acts' stupid sometimes or asks me how to scrub the toilet AGAIN, when I know he knows what to do!

Yes, he has learning disabilities but he is fully capable of handling his own schedule. He gets himself to school, to tennis, to meetings, to his tournament matches, etc on time. He prepares for them himself. He takes his racquets to get strung, he does his own laundry, he locks the doors when he leaves the house, he fills up his tank and manages his car to the point that he knew when to take his tires to get checked, etc.

So, I don't see someone who isn't capable of contributing financially to the home. My parents made me financially responsible for myself at age 14. My son has said that I've actually taken it easy on him and we've discussed these new higher level expectations ad nauseum over the past year or 2. He agreed nearly 2 years ago that he would want to start working once he was driving.

As for the bf, yes I do struggle to get him understand learning disabilities. He and I butt heads about this when it comes up and I stand my ground. Yet, I do agree with him that my son needs to get a job. I honestly believe it will help his self esteem. The support checks stop next May and that's when I'll need the help the most.
If my son chooses community college, I will most likely have him live with friends closer to campus and NOT have him work because the school demand would be tough for him. But, we'll cross that bridge when we get to it.

On a fun note.......A good friend of mine, whom I've been doing some freelance work for, runs a top PR firm in town. She asked me to assist her with a live shoot at the local TV station in a few weeks. She then asked if my son would like to come be a part of it. He'd get to be on TV. I thought he'd shy away from it but he was totally gung ho, lol! It's a short segment about pets and the dangers around the holidays. My son will be one of the dog handlers on set.
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