dear Bunny,
yes, 'normal' people do this. it is not an 'alcoholic' trait.
Bunny, you are going through a big scare, and waiting for info that's a huge thing. and depending on the info, there will be tough action.
there is nothing trivial about this situation,. or about you in it. just as there is nothing trivial in your initial reaction to your s-i-l's pregnancy, one of the very possibilities which might be closed off to you.
there is nothing narcissistic about your emotions here.
and certainly not about your actions.
i read recently that we/so many of us don't recognize 'spiritual awakening' because we expect/want/think we need to see a "big thing" and don't recognize the moments, small moments of change, of a slightly different response...or if we recognize them, we dismiss them. as too small. not good enough.
might you be doing that?
i don't know, but looks like it from here.
i'd like to suggest that you not feed those thoughts of how horrible you are. that you have choice about that. and that recognizing you're falling into old self-defeating scary patterns is the first step to stop feeding that cycle. and is in itself an awakening.