Originally Posted by
ScottFromWI 
Do you seek professional help from a counselor or therapist Bunny? The fact that you are contemplating suicide is a very serious issue. Many of the self-loathing and self-hate issues you speak about are very curable and possibly a sign of an underlying condition, I really hope you can seek some help to find out what might be going on. And if you are actually considering suicide please call 911 or a local help line now.
Yes I do have a counselor. I am NOT actively thinking about suicide. I am NOT going to harm myself. But the thoughts run through my mind from time to time...I'd be lying if I said they didn't. I thought they were just part of alcoholism. Not depression or anxiety but full blown crazy alcoholic thinking. Are they not?