We're about the same age, sal, I'm 31, and we seem to have a very similar relationship with alcohol.
I remember many moments, waking up around 3am, after the alcohol had worn off, and feeling so lost. Everything felt meaningless. Everything felt wrong. I knew I was wasting my life... There was a lot of painful stuff in my early life and then my twenties were all about running from that and not facing it and I made a huge mess out my life, failing at everything I tried, burning every bridge... I just didn't want to do it anymore, and I had this nagging feeling that I wasn't the person I was supposed to be. I was supposed to be so much better.
I'm wondering if you relate to any of that.
I'm now on day 46 of this new relationship with a person I never knew. She's actually pretty great, when she's not trying to drown who she is with alcohol.