Hi Helly, Well done to you for leaving and seeking support.
I used to feel like you do after I left my xAH after 27 years - that was 5 years ago. In that time I have noticed that the truth can't be hidden for ever. Those people who thought he was great have slowly come to see the light. The woman he moved in with after me and her mother who believed him have had to actually move to a different country from him! I have had 'friends' of his secretly write to me and tell me of the horrible things he has said about them and how hurt they are. The truth I think is that they hate themselves. The way we feel is a symptom and wont last forever. You care because you are in touch with your feelings and once you have grieved you will feel better. You wont feel this bad forever . The effects of living with alcoholism should not be underestimated - last year I tried to shrug it off and went to Vegas for a week - I nearly had a nervous breakdown. Take the effects, anxiety and depression seriously. Take all the help you can get from Al anon and a sponsor. The quicker you treat yourself as a survivor of such profound pain the quicker you come out the other side.