Originally Posted by
JensDestiny 
I guess I don't really have a question so much as just feeling the need to say what is on my mind. I apologize in advance if this is confusing; just typing my thoughts.
I haven't been on this site for quite some time but have been feeling really down lately. I would like to add that I have not had a drop of alcohol since 6/5/2014 and I have NO desire at all to drink right now.
I have no friends. *This is not a sober issue for me though; I didn't have friends when I was drinking either but I guess it didn't bother me then.
I have spent the biggest part of my life isolating myself from others and alcohol certainly helped contribute to that greatly. I was an "at-home" alcoholic. I drank by myself 99% of the time. And, when I finally quit drinking... well, I did that alone too. I went to a first time appointment at a rehab center and was worried that it would interfere with my job so that wouldn't work. I had also tried, unsuccessfully, going to AA several times before but always felt out of place and it caused my anxiety to go crazy.
More recently, I have been finding myself longing for friendship. I wish I had a special connection with someone; not a bottle this time.
I gave up my best friend when I stopped drinking. Feeling alone is something I have started to feel as well. I have a wife that I love, yet I still feel alone and seem to lack a purpose in life other then work and bills. Drink used to be my reward and medication. I need to start going back to meetings, even though I have left meetings feeling more alone then before i went. Yet I find that mostly I feel better after a meeting. They give me a perspective that I won't find in my alcoholic mind.
I have a sponser that I never talk to, even though he will answer my calls 24/7. I am sure that I am the issue. I have insecurities that I never got over. In my professional life I am out going. Private life not at all.
Correction in professional life I appear outgoing. Have never actually made a friend from workplace. It is hard to drop my old issues with ppl and trust.
I will keep trying to meet ppl and I will do it at AA meetings for now.
Sorry for the rambling, your post is how I feel right now too.