You want a grip on control, and that's a very healthy thought to nurture. Trying to obtain it through cutting is one route - a negative one - that you have to focus on rerouting. You /want/ to get better - that's it. Stop the next thought after that. Your brain may be hard wired to add "but it will never get better". Nope, stop that thought before you get there.
It isn't easy, but you can do it. You've already taken the first step in recognizing you want to make a change. A positive change. It
is a monster you're dealing with, and he fights dirty. He makes you believe you want to self harm, that there's only one way out. But your brain is yours, you own it, and you can tell that monster who is boss.
Many people don't get to "enough is enough". The monster doesn't give them the chance. Don't leave it up to that monster. You wouldn't be here if you still didn't have some control. You can do it.
we are here for you.