Ladybird579

Thanks you for all your lovely responses on my thread about my mum dying and how awful my estranged dd's were, both at her death bed and funeral. They continue to be awful and have upped the ante cos they are too cowardly to confront me they have taken to phoning my autistic son and upsetting him over issues that are nothing to do with him. ( and not actually anything I have done either) I am taking steps to stop this but he has his own phone and is nearly 18 so it is difficult to enforce anything, especially if they phone him when I am asleep late at night.

Anyway. EXAH has been in a "facility" 6 months ago for 3 months. He is a changed man. No drinking, no white knuckling, no dry drunk behaviour. He has expressed true sorrow for how he was and how he treated us all and he is now present in my boys lives at least 4 day a week. He takes them out, buys then things and is always on the end of the phone to talk to.

My medical issues have worsened. A medical I had last week showed this and I am struggling. Ex is moving here next month. He is buying a great house. The boys chose it with him and picked their rooms. I know it is only a matter of time before they asked to live with him. They always preferred him over me. I think this is partly cos he is not intimidated by my toxic kids and they feel safer with him. They all just laugh and laugh when together and he truly loves them.

My realistic side is wary but cautiously optimistic ! It says don't let him take them cos he may relapse. My logical side says they will go whatever I say so it is not in my power to decide. We are in the UK and when they are 18 ( in 2 months time) I have no say where the boys live. He can provide a secure home instead of a rented flat with no garden. I can't even get my son's bike out where we are now as we are on the 3rd floor and their cat is trapped in too. I feel like they'd have a better life with him IF he stays sober.

I know I could wait it out 2-3 years, have trial runs that go perfectly etc and him still fall off the wagon then. I know there is no guarantees. This is not about me going to live in Europe. I know I said I'd like to before but the boys come first and always will. I am not going anywhere until they are settled and happy. Boyfriend has been move to a different country and I think I'd struggle to live there anyway. I learnt German, got all geared up to go, made friends there and he got moved to Hungary. So this is purely about the boys and which way to jump.

One would go with him tomorrow. The other is more wary but his reasoning for not moving in have nothing to do with ex drinking, which I found amusing. Both said his drinking wasn't there main concern. They are more bothered he won't get a decent broadband and access to Sky Sports. So I just don't know what to do at the moment.