So I am almost 16 months sober. And since getting sober I have had so many medical issues that I am finding it hard to keep my head above water. Right now I've got a few biggies.
1. I was diagnosed with Hashimoto's Thyroiditis (auto immune) which makes me feel stressed, anxious, depressed and tired a lot of the time. I am on meds and have sought dietary changes and homeopathy as well.
2. My PMS is INSANE. For 2 weeks out of each month I am chronically suicidal and have bursts of anger or I implode and want to kill myself.
3. I am undergoing genetic testing for the breast cancer gene as I am high risk.
The breast cancer gene issue - I am really not terribly worried about until I get the results..then I will worry. But, it is my INSANELY wild moods that are driving me nuts. I mean I've had to call in sick to work because I cannot stop crying, I cannot function it gets so bad. I've landed in the ER or Urgent Care 3 times already from major panic attacks. I am going through hosts of doctors trying to figure out what is wrong. My thyroid levels are now in range but that doesn't mean the symptoms go away. The PMS is out of control and I cannot take the pill because of high risk breast cancer history and blood clots. My homeopath has tried 3 different constitutional remedies on me with no luck. Both the urgent care nurse and my homeopath suggested mental health counseling....one even suggested I might be bi-polar. I don't WANT to take anti depressants until I know for sure that I need them - that this is not physical. I'm just frustrated as all hell with sobriety right now. It is just one struggle after another. And I hate to say it but I understand now why I drank. My mind will NOT shut up. It wants me dead.
UGH.
Just needed to rant to those who understand. I have nothing external that I can take to comfort me and my internal settings are so messed up right now...either physically or mentally...and I cannot seem to untangle them...that I am in a constant state of "fight or flight" and it is wearing me down.
