Hi Younghyde,
How are you doing now? I know things can appear bleak at times, but you wouldn't be here posting if you didn't want help.
Did you tell your mom you were feeling suicidal? Have you called any of the numbers Scott have you?
There are lots of people on this site who do care, and want to see you stop drinking and start feeling better. Sometimes the strongest decision we can make is that we can't do this alone. This sounds like a good time to reach out for help.
If you are still feeling suicidal have your mom take you to the ER, they can help you immediately, and moving forward.
You can do this.
❤️ Delilah