I dunno wtf i'm here for too to be honest. I've said it a zillion times I"m not even suppost to be here today! its true I should be dead with the nonsnese i was doing.
Now that i'm sober I still dont see some epic grandious purpose to my life. I likely might never see one either. But in my own little small world I'm important to my wife and kids. Even if I dont feel important at times to them I still em. That might be it for me too. I might just live and die having been another grain of sand that was good important in his very own small world. Aint nothing wrong with that it makes the world go round. The alternative would be considerably worse.
Even when life looks bleek the reality is life can and will go on. Life can and will change. Things do evolve move forward progress etc.. Things thankfully are transient and will not stay the same. Things will be good and things will be bad thats just how it is. But thankfully we are not stuck in any one predicament forever.
Ya never know whats around the corner either. could get hit by a bus could get win the lotto. We keep thinking about what tommorrow might be like but the reality is we have no friggen idea at all becuase it has not happened yet. What IS happening is right here irght now today in this moment I find if i stay right there rather then looking ahead and behind me i do better.
Dont look in the rear view mirror you aint headed that way. and dont sit there focusing on some future thats just not there good or bad we have no idea it hasnt happened.
If you keep drinking tho its pretty much garanteed things will be crap. Thats just how it always works out when booze is involved can never win that game.