I don't want to have to start all over again. This could probably spark another topic altogether about whether a relapse is simply a temporary diversion, like taking a wrong turn halfway through a trip, or a total loss of one's recovery, like when a house of cards collapses. I have found among others in my life, as well as my peers within AA, it is most often perceived as the latter. I'm afraid I've also been conditioned to see it that way, even before joining AA.
In either case, I don't want to have to backtrack again. I don't want to lose whatever trust and respect I've managed to regain. I don't want to go through detox and rehab again. I don't want to count days and weeks and months again. Last but not least, I don't want to die from it. The way things were at the end, death was not far off.