Yes. I remember that unmanageability that alcohol brought to my life as well.
What about getting to some meetings instead of lunch dates or friends who may give you drugs. If we want support, the first step if asking for it in the right places. From people who understand what we're going through. Often when I feel low a meeting will give me a burst of hope that sees me through the day and helps get me refocused on the solution instead of staying stuck in the mire of the confusion.
Wishing you all the best for your recovery. BB