My beast made a big effort last night. I don't drink, so the beast did not win, but it was weird.
As I've posted elsewhere, I'm going through a job search right now, and it's anxiety-producing. It is going pretty well, though -- I did a bunch of networking last week and set up some phone meetings and a couple interviews. But it's been stressful ... also our house foundation is being replaced so there is jackhammering all day long, under our feet. So maybe I was especially vulnerable to a beast attack, which I haven't had for awhile.
Husband and I went out to a pizza joint last night. Husband wanted a beer (when he does order a beer, he drinks a few sips and he's done, definitely not a big drinker). It was a craft beer joint so the waitress brought him several small samples to taste. Sitting there seeing those samples, the thought came that I could just taste them out of curiosity for the flavor, not to really drink it but just taste, and it wouldn't be that big of a deal. And since I had quit alcohol fairly easily, the first time I really tried, it's not like this would cause some bizarre binge or anything.
I said to myself, "I made a permanent decision to never drink alcohol again, so whatever these thoughts are, however real or sensible they might seem, they are not me and they are not to be followed." I breathed, and focused on the taste of the pizza, focused on what my husband was saying, and the beast thoughts gradually receded over the course of dinner. But for awhile, both sets of thoughts were in my head -- mine, and the beast's. Weird sensation.