Originally Posted by Elle126

Hi A-team it's now 11.30 pm in UK and today I have not looked at FB and today I have not picked up a drink! Miracles happen!!!
Spent the morning cleaning my house for a couple of viewings, depressed and crying, in one of his wedding pictures he's lifted her up in the air, their faces smiling, a picture of absolute joy..... Felt like my heart had been torn out and stamped on. I know you're all gonna say I did to myself and I did, I don't have to look at FB the image is indelibly seared on my brain.
Spiralled into total self loathing and self pity, comparing myself to her, my capacity for self hate knows no bounds.
The first viewing was at 12.30 so don't ask me why, I got in my car with the sole purpose of going to the pub for a drink, I had decided it didn't matter, no point fighting anymore just wanted to shut my head off and complete oblivion and this is where the miracle happened as if on automatic pilot call it divine intervention I found myself at an AA meeting instead!
To my absolute joy the speaker was a man I absolutely adore, he is the epitome of a man living his life in peace and grace, a spiritual guru, I could listen to him for hours and bask in his serenity. Before the meeting started, as always he stopped to talk to me and through tears I said I think God has turned his face away from me. Then came his chair... The wisdom poured out of him and as he talked I realised God hasn't abandoned me he took me to that meeting so that I could hear what that wonderful man had to say. He talked about when he meets his creator there will be 2 lines of people waiting, in the first line will be all the people who loved and supported him in his life and in the other line will be All the people who have harmed him and caused him pain. The people in the latter line would be the ones he would hug and thank the most for without the lessons they had taught him he would not have grown and become a better, stronger person. Wow - he talked of forgiveness and letting go with love and gratitude...... I pondered this and when I do my step 9 I know that I will have to pray for my ex, pray for his happiness and let him go with love and only then will my wounds begin to heal. A modicum of peace returned.
Tonight I went to a fashion show in London, it's fashion week, lots of super skinny people about ha ha note to self lose some weight!! It was the first time in a very long time that I glammed up, wore make and looked fractionally like the woman I used to be, actually took my first selfie in eons but it's pretty hideous so won't be sending it to anyone lol.
Note to self keep saying I am absolutely perfect just as I am....
Sorry gone on but after you have all been so amazingly kind and supportive, I wanted to share my day with you. I share my pain with you and you only show me encouragement, no judgement, oneday I hope to be able to share my joy with you.
So happy to be in the A team love reading all of your posts admire your honesty. Elle X