Thanks Sad girl. I'm happy to have a place where maybe I can start to talk this and other things out. It is most definitely a roller coaster. Things are pretty mellow ATM. I guess being on a mini vacation for a few days made it a little easier. I actually extended it a couple of extra days just to have a little more time to reflect and to start to add some tools into my own toolbox.
I'm really sorry Windancer about your situation. Something similar happened to me a few years ago, and the toll it took on me and my sobriety was incalculable. I'd like to think I'd handle it better or differently now, but the truth is I have no idea. BUT, I hope you're stronger than I was (and maybe still am)! And I wasn't smart enough at the time to reach out to anyone, so you're way ahead in my book!
But I'll be here trying to put one foot in front of the other with everyone else, until I march myself out of this mess.
EH