@timeforchange I see alot of myself in your post about drinking for 2 days then not for 2 days and on and on and on. Everyday seemed like nightmare for me, I'd turn my brain off with alcohol, then when I sobered up having to deal with the regret anger and fear of how I was living my life. I hope with all my heart you can stay sober and have meaningful relationships with your friends and family.
I was not able to do that. I secluded myself from friends to the point where they stopped associating with me, I'd say I'd help them with something, do something together with them and then never show up. My family hates me, my daughter specifically and only talk to me if she is forced to, whether I'm sober or not, it doesn't matter. My brothers only tolerate me because I'm family and they have to. It's such a huge part of my depression, that when I start going down I wonder why I want to continue to live, which makes it really really easy to go to the store and get some booze because I need to turn off my brain. Turn off my madness. Please stay sober and love your family. Before it's too late.