XAH lied about things there was no reason to lie about as well as lying about his drinking. He suggested that we quit smoking (we were both smokers) early in our relationship, never quit, and hid it and lied about it for the next 20 years. He'd get busted every several years, claim to have quit, and then leave his smokes out on the table again a few years later. Why? Why not say "hey, I changed my mind" or "hey, I'm having a really hard time here"?
I've since found out about many other lies, some that matter a lot and some about things that he knew I wouldn't care about, yet he lied.
He told me a story not too long ago about a certain cookie jar in his household as a very young child. He said he learned how to open it absolutely silently. I said "oh, b/c your mom wouldn't want you to have a cookie?" and he said "no, I don't think she would have cared at all, but I preferred to not ask. I decided very early that the less that people knew about me and what I was doing, the better it was."
Well. WTF. That made me really really sad, to think about it, and to wonder how a very young kid would get that idea so early in life.
And then I realized that story could be a lie too...hate to sound cynical, but honestly? Who knows? Manipulation or truth, it's a sad waste of a life.