Depressed.
Been sober for some days back to back now but still newly sober.
Been attending meetings in my hometown. Haven't connected with anyone (there seems to be some cliques already in place) so I found the courage on Sunday to ask this man with lots of sobriety who he would recommend as a (female) sponsor. He gave me a name and so I mustered up the courage asked her. It was super awkward conversation and it just seemed like she wanted to get away from me as quickly as possible. We texted back and forth a bit the next day but she didn't say anything about starting to work the steps, and hasn't responded to a few questions/msgs I sent her since yesterday.
Feeling lonely, like I have no friends anymore. Everyone is either still drinking/drugging or have cut me out due to being exasperated by my relapsing (fair enough).
Feeling like I don't like the person who I am, I don't like looking in the mirror. I just don't want to experience this life anymore.
It's like the bottle has been my only "friend" for so long that I almost just want to go back to it. (A terrible, terrible, backstabbing friend albeit, but still my only friend in times of loneliness. I've basically stopped caring and I just don't even give a sh*t. I mean I'm here and I'm sober so obviously there's a sliver of desire left, but it's practically gone.)
I need some hope or encouragement or something.