Hi sleepie,
I really liked your OP. Learning about personal challenges in an autonomous way from a variety of sources and taking responsibility for what we do and do not allow is also a sort of code by which I live my life. Also, not everyone benefits from the same type of help and it is very important to find what works and not invest too much energy and time (and get drained) on what obviously does not have an effect is is perhaps destructive. Also, I think that there are certain areas where external help can be useful and other areas where it won't be effective and we pretty much are better to find ways to help and soothe ourselves in healthy ways.
I relate to the boundary issues you have brought up. Not exactly the way you are describing, my pattern is more a dual kind of thing: a tendency for having either too massive boundaries (well, probably more precise to call those walls) or, usually in very selective and specific ways, wanting to drop all guards intentionally... I agree that it is challenging to learn to do in a balanced way as adults for those of us who did not have good examples early in life. But it is an interesting challenge, for me at least... definitely a process that won't happen overnight.
Congrats on approaching 9 months of sobriety!
