Originally Posted by
ericar 
Thank you. I'm sorry to hear of your situation as well.
What are you doing about custody and visitation? I am okay with him having them sometimes if he isn't drinking. His parents take care of our older child quite often so that could be problematic. Our younger child is always with me due to breastfeeding. I have been thinking I need to leave him if he doesn't truly change for some time but now that I'm trying to work out the logistics it's rather mind-blowing. I have told him he needs to move out but I don't think he believes me because I've said it before and gone back on it. I don't want a long drawn out divorce and I don't want to hurt him. I really love him but I just need my sanity back. He is not good for anyone if he can't stop drinking. And apparently he can't. So now what, geez, it's so overwhelming.
When I left I immediately went a consulted with an attorney just to see what my options were. She advised that I ask him to submit to a hair follicle test (since you are dealing with alcohol maybe you can do a blood test or I have heard on here about something called sober link). So I asked him to submit to a hair test otherwise he could only see the kids supervised. 5 months later he has yet to submit to any drug test...so he sees the kids 3 days a week supervised. I also went "no contact" after a few months because his constant manipulation was relentless. He is blocked from my phone and can only communicate with me via email regarding the kids. Of course he emails me other hurtful things but I never engage. Also, I am never there when he comes to see the kids...instead my amazing parents take over as the "supervisors". I am also breastfeeding so if he does get any custody it won't be overnights with the youngest due to that. I am going for sole custody with random drug tests and supervised visits only. I know how you must be feeling now...its ALOT to swallow in the beginning....and as a new mom who is not sleeping much and dealing with all of the things a new baby brings AND a toddler...its very overwhelming. What helped me the most was to leave and get out of the situation. As they say on here more will be revealed. Has it ever! I'm finding out so much more. It's sad. But leaving was the best thing I ever did for my kids and I. I promise you it will get better and you and the kids will be ok. You deserve more and you deserve a present father for your kids. Big tight hugs!!!