That's
Mr. Socially Awkward to you!
I've struggled with this all my life. I get very anxious about speaking in a group setting. Even online, like here at SR, I feel really inhibited at times. Even so, I'm still much more talkative in writing than I am in person. As Dee alluded to earlier, it was one of the first things that attracted me to alcohol. I was practically agoraphobic at various points in my youth. I didn't date and, in social situations, I tried to fade into the background, although I hated it at the same time. With alcohol, all that melted away. I felt confident, I talked to girls I'd never met before, I made wisecracks and made people laugh. I was 10 ft. tall and bulletproof. I might have looked like a moron, but I didn't even care.
But it felt
too good, and I became addicted. When that happened, shame about my drinking set in, so I hid it, and with hiding came isolation, and with isolation returned all the social awkwardness and anxiety x 10. Now, closing in on a year and a half of sobriety, I still struggle with the same old stuff and I still hate it. I envision myself being confident, witty, entertaining, but when it comes down to actually "performing," I feel like I look ridiculous! The struggle is real.