Creekryder

It's hard to believe that it has been over a year since my last posting. I have relapsed, started over, relapsed, started over. Just when I feel like I have got it made, then come a crash. Looking over the past few months, at least I have more attempts at sobriety than previous times. But I seem to lack the true drive to stop. Maybe that is the advanced stages of my addiction. Even when I do drink, it is not as copious amounts as in earlier years, but even one or two drinks is enough to keep the cravings alive and well.
This weekend is going to be a challenge. I am alone for two days and a wedding and reception I am obligated to attend. The resolve is there but very faint. It is important to retain sobriety, that is fully recognized. But it seems to easy to forget and plan on just doing it tomorrow. Tomorrow is only a concept and not a reality. So I buy into the lie far too easily.
So I, again, return as the prodigal son I have been for years, looking for me to forgive myself and find that reserve to stay clean. I even considered attending an AA meeting, of which I am not an advocate. But I just feel like being around a bunch of sober drunks. Birds of a feather sort of thing.
Thanks for listening to my pity party. Just felt like rambling.

—Peace