I really appreciate the article; thanks for the reminder/bump, Jodc. I think the most useful thing for me was to recognize that it doesn't have to be intentional. Even after I realized that AXH was abusive, I had a really hard time with the concept that he'd intentionally plot ways to make me feel like I was going crazy. I understood that he felt entitled to behave exactly as he pleased without regard to how I felt, but it was a huge jump to realize that that sense of entitlement also allowed him to re-write how events actually happened.
This may be slightly OT, but I have to admit that I finally watched the movie for the first time this week. There was a scene where Gregory (played by Boyer) mentioned to Paula (Ingrid Bergman's character) that they'd be attending a concert that evening and Paula was over-the-top happy. Such a little thing elicited such a monumental swell of happiness; before AXH I don't think I would have understood that scene. I distinctly remember, though, feeling exactly the same way when AXH would say, "We're were going to go do *this* today." And looking back, I can completely see how he thought he was being so, incredibly kind and benevolent to agree to do so, even when he ended up cancelling it.