sleepie

At a doctor's appointment this afternoon, for something unrelated- a skin condition- forms to be filled out included very personal questions including alcohol intake, and even past alcohol intake. Now this saddened me and reminded me that I will never be able to part with this label no matter my sober time. And then I got to thinking about shame and whether or not it outlives it' use as a motivating factor for change. Must we always hang our heads? Is this a lifetime of judgement, no matter being recovered?

Are we supposed to be ashamed for life? Thoughts on reconciling your addict self and your current self, your intoxicated self and your present self?

How will we feel having this label for a life time?

Driving past a beach the other day with a friend, we saw people of all kinds of bodies playing and swimming. Some large, some young, some thin some old. I thought, "Well good for them, I wish I'd enjoy myself without fear of public humiliation or someone criticizing me". My friend however looked and said "They have NO shame". To me being shameless was a good thing. Shame twists you, encourages self loathing, prevents you from being your best self. I don't think anything good was ever founded on shame. But then my friend's comment really sunk in. Is there some kind of respect in being always self conscious of our imperfections, others will respect us more if we are noticeably uncomfortable with ourselves, if we are reserved and unhappy?

I figure we have one life, one. One chance to be free, be happy. Why are others so determined to deter this?