I also shudder at past drunken behaviors. Nothing too horrific, just lots of embarrassment. Telling people about my alcoholism while blacked out (people that don't need to know). Asking random women if they want to date me through Facebook. Making platonic relationships with female friends awkward.
There's also the time I drove from Colorado to Iowa drinking the whole way because I was pissed at a female friend. I could have gotten into a lot of trouble... She's forgiven me for that (I took the car she was using to go to and from work...).
But if I drink, the only thing I am certain of, is that it will end badly. Most likely with a trip to the ER going through horrible withdrawal...
I've been to the ER four times this year. Three out of four were for alcohol withdrawal. The fourth trip was for benzo withdrawal... I took Ativan as directed for a week and 48 hours after the last pill, I got sick. My liver enzymes were off the charts elevated, most likely due to acute alcoholic hepatitis. I'm just one of those people that can't touch mind altering substances.
22 days sober today.