280 Days, 40 Weeks: Top 5 Things I've Learned
Yep, it's been over 9 months now for me. And given the similarity between the duration of my sobriety and the human gestation period - I feel compelled to "give birth" to something.
So, here's my baby...
The "Top 5 Things I've Learned in 280 Days".
5. Being a drunk is hard work! Life has become much more simple for me. I no longer have the struggle of organizing my entire life around booze. No justifying my drinking. No sneaking drinks. No hiding bottles. No logistical challenges around driving, socializing, living as a drunk.
4. Healing is good. I knew I was doing some bad damage to my body with booze. I just never knew how much. In the last 9 months my body and my brain have recovered astoundingly. I feel stronger. I feel sharper. I feel brighter. When you are trapped in the alcoholic life, you have no perspective just how truly sick you are.
3. Not drinking can be "normal" too. When I was drinking, one of the most ridiculous fears I had was how I would be able to deal with life in public as a "non-drinker". What would my friends and family think of me if I didn't drink at parties, lunches, dinners or other social events? (Psst..here's a secret: No one else cares!)
2. Poison goes in. Poison comes out. While I was self-medicating with buckets of vodka, I was methodically poisoning much more than my liver. I was poisoning my mind and my soul. My most dreaded daily moment: the abrupt 4AM wake up - the self loathing was palpable. Clearly anyone who started hating himself at 4AM has got to be the MOST TOXIC of people to deal with throughout the day. I don't miss that at all.
1. It was all in my subconscious anyway. I had spent 10 years trying to use my willpower to stop drinking. I failed horribly. I failed often. I failed spectacularly. Each day I read so many posts here on SR of people trying to use their conscious willpower to conquer their subconscious demons - to no avail. I was there. I can tell you that it won't work. As long as you are doing this, you will have a spoiled little brat in your head SCREAMING for a drink. In order to succeed, you have to reprogram your subconscious first.
That's it - hope this helps someone.
Much love.