Originally Posted by
Refiner 
Oh Gosh I got further in the thread and see how it did blow up on you
But I am SO glad to hear how you're educating yourself and learning the tools on how to deal with such people. Prior to going 100% NC, I detached and NEVER reached out to my sister and only responded to anything she said to me in a professionally polite manner. I would NEVER initiate a conversation or opened any doors to a dialogue (or I'd be opening the door to Hell LOL). It wasn't until after my Mom died (our last reason for needing to communicate as family) that I was able to go 100% NC. So you're really going about it in a smart manner. You will still need to somehow deal with him when stepmom dies and your siblings will need to understand and RESPECT your boundaries regarding him. I have only one other sibling, my beloved brother, and he's already disowned her and her anusive ways, so it made it even easier for me. What a sad little miserable life she lives with her Mr. Enabler Husband who's too big for his pants ego-wise and her old friends can't stand him (or her anymore)... I'm talking about my N sister (who's an alcoholic to-boot) in case you got lost on which N I was talking about LOL.
Hi Refiner. You're a fast reader and quite gifted. I have to reread everything at least twice.
:-)
I'm sorry your sister is so unreachable. My brother is too, but in a different kind of way. We both have narcissistic streaks I think. Coming from abusive, narcissistic households it might be difficult not to pick up some of those traits especially where selfishness is concerned. When a kid isn't getting what he or she needs, I imagine they become kind of selfish themselves.
I just leave my brother alone and he leaves me alone. His behavior got really out of line when I flew out to visit last year. He issued an apology recently which I accepted and I haven't had any more contact with him. I am fine with that as he is damaging to me. I keep my heart open to him because his issues are very complex and deeply disturbing; however, he is not a full-blown narcissist. He is not as receptive to seeking help as I am so I have let him know that I am available to him and have left it at that. So yeah, I can relate to your approach as far as the way you have decided not to initiate contact with your sister. I might send my brother a text once in a while to say "Hi brother" or something but that's about the extent of it.