Freshstart, thank you for your supportive words, I really appreciate them. When I previously mentioned a parachute jump, I did originally think of a cliff top and dithering on the edge. Of course if the AV thought there was a drink at the bottom, it would urge me to jump. It would have no thought that I'd die and be unable to pick up the drink at the bottom.
This makes so much sense to me. I'm actually fighting against myself. When I did my fourth step, my second sponsor (a wonderful woman with a wealth of experience and intellect) advised that I wasn't the typical person with the ego, that thought she was a director of the worlds stage, trod on everyone's feet and made them react against her, and needed to be humble; but that I was 'sinned' against without good cause and that the circumstances I found myself in were outwith my control. I was not not the 'sinner', as a consequence of which I simply used alcohol as a mal- adaptive tool, self-medication I suppose.
So although I finished the steps, that technique wasn't a good fit for me, because I already practiced the principals of the steps prior to developing addiction. I drank too much to cope with my predicament and I became physically addicted.
My behaviour under the influence was pretty horrible, but it was due to being inebriated. I don't believe that one size fits all and we're not terminally unique. I can see how it may be an excellent fit for some. My sponsor said there are many paths up the mountain and we're still in touch, but we discuss other things now. She's interested in the AVRT concept, because her husband is a neuroscientist and he believes it's sound reasoning. She really hopes this works for me.
I am absolutely ready and committed, but just finishing a final taper (ouch! the AV hated that sentence) and I expect to safely stop for good on Wednesday. I need to ensure safety, as the AV will surely use the possibility of dangerous withdrawals, to convince me to continue tapering - which will only lead to ranking up the imbibe. It must be a short, albeit safe taper.
