I'm so sorry.
I'm sending you love and
I essentially fell apart repeatedly after one of my closest friends passed away at a young age last year.
Drinking to ease the pain and grief and attempted repeats of sobering up after she passed... it was like living her death all over again.
She IS proud of you. It's ok to fall apart and cry and feel the grief and you don't have to go through this alone. Surround yourself with loved ones. You will make it through this and Dee as we will be with you along the way.
Xoxo