Anger management was really productive this evening. Tonight's theme focused on anger in relationships. At one point our group leader went around the room and asked each person what he or she did to nurture our relationships. I said I discussed and explored boundaries with my pack mates. ;-) She got so excited and discussed it at great length and I learned a lot! So that was really cool.
There was something else I was thinking of earlier today that applies to emotional boundaries. That is choosing how you feel. This is really a no-brainer for me, but I'm a bit out of the loop. A lot of it requires practice with vocabulary exchange. For example, instead of saying: "He / she made me angry", or He / she hurt my feelings" you're forced to stop and think. . . .did he really make me angry? Did he / she really hurt my feelings? Who's the one in control here? And once you sheepishly realize the truth, you take your power back. A more realistic - and constructive - statement would be something like. . . ."Hmm. . . .I don't feel so good when this person behaves this way", and you then lead yourself into a decision to take responsibility and come up with a solution, whereas with the former statement(s) you choose BLAME and you give your power AWAY.
People use all kinds of covert (silent) manipulation tactics, too. We live in such an uncommunicative culture and it seems like it's only getting worse. Not only is it uncommunicative - at times it's hateful. This is particularly prevalent online. I think a lot of that carries over into the 3D world (I belong somewhere in the 19th century, but that's another talk show).
No one or no thing - like an inanimate object - can make anyone feel anything. Thoughts always precede emotions. Emotions might seem spontaneous, but that's only because we have been trained to believe certain thoughts about certain events and automatically react to those events in a particular way (sometimes our reactions are wrong because we jump to conclusions - oops). When we retrain our thoughts to react to stimuli accurately, our emotional reactions change.
A lot of this I picked up from some of Wayne Dyer's books when I was around 20 or so. I credit Albert Ellis for Wayne Dyer's work - he grandfathered it. Some of it I picked up from SMART recovery, and some of it I picked up from SR early in my sobriety. There was A LOT of variety floating around SR (which I'm sure there still is). I've been out of the loop for so long that all of what I learned is just kind of seeping back in. This will help me all the way around, and it's good for my continuing sobriety, too.
I really do apply boundaries a lot more often than one would think; I just don't consciously refer to them as boundaries. I don't give give the petty person of the moment rent in my head. I've learned not to have high expectations, lol.