hi,
i've been busy with my kids, busy with life and trying to not think much about xAH because doing so just translates into angst for me... so, in part i've been away from here for a bit because i've just been focussed on day to day stuff and trying to not think about xAH or his antics...
he's been a nightmare to the kids this summer, drunk all the time, repeated failed breathalyzers, endless blaming, ranting and stalking of me...
same old same old... narcissistic/sociopath pattern blah blah blah....
good news... no tumor for DD10- nerve damage and hearing loss due to that but nothing tumor wise which i was a worried mess about this spring as some of you may recall...
DD8 is really struggling with xAH being a dirtbag dad... still taking her to counseling a lot, and DD10 too (but she is actually doing well with xAH being a deadbeat- the less contact he has with her, the better she seems to be)
and me... i had 2 weeks while the kids were at overnight camp and wasn't sure how i would manage... but it turned out i decided to rehab my whole house- moved furniture- repainted and repurposed old furniture, found new living room furniture cheap on craigslist-- totally made my house a new looking place and made it MINE and the kids-- removed SO much clutter and all remaining traces of xAH's crap that was here-- the kids came home and LOVED the chillax vibe of the house and the quiet spaces i had created for each of them so as to have their own spots - for homework, for reading, for alone time etc...
and i decided to take time to apply for jobs that i wasn't necessarily qualified for, but which i really wanted-- ive been out of the classroom for a LONG time as a teacher and have been a special ed teacher for a while and have missed classroom teaching SO much... i felt like i had no chance competing with classroom teachers and so i had only looked for special ed jobs in recent years...
this summer i said to hell with it and tried for jobs that i wasn't sure i had ANY chance for...
and... i got one... im taking a pay cut, will have to tighten the belt, will have to cut some things the girls have enjoyed during the last year when i had a GREAT income (but was MISERABLE in my job every second of every day) but im back in the classroom.
i tried this past year to tell myself that the great $ was worth it but it wasn't. i was miserable and it impacted the kids and i terribly. so im looking forward to going back to work and doing something that i will LOVE again.... i feel like im slowly finding my way back to the pre-xAH me and showing my kids who i once was...
im pretty happy with life right now and it's funny bc xAH is crazier than ever, raging endlessly (the latest is being mad that he did not get to claim one of the kids on last years taxes and that is bc he is not current on child support- his OWN fault) but he isn't being able to have the same impact on me that he once did.
sadly he IS impacting the kids still which is sad and makes me crazy mad and sad for them...
so, that's me in aug of 2016 in a nutshell
