I relate to what Anvil says, also. And, I am not saying that he has any conscious intentions of control.
It just sounds like some shades of him being the admired spearhead of Project to Enrich and Improve Lizatola. It sort of has the "flavor" of "parental" written on it.
Like when young people go through the dependence/independence stage of development. The normal parent doesn't have anything but the best intentions for the child and will bend over backward to be helpful (often too much)..
The child, craving independence, resents any ties to the parent....even ties of the parents expectations......They want to accomplish ON THEIR O WN...so that they can establish their feeling of independence and establish their own identity.
I think, Liz, that I sometimes, hear, between the lines....your desire to please him--for him to admire you--to validate your talents and accomplishments ...for you to feel of value. to see all of this good stuff mirrored back IN HIS EYES.
I will just say that you are already enough and good enough and you don't need anyone else to validate that , so that it feels real to you.
I think that the more you stay independent...the more your own self esteem will have a chance to continue to grow......
dandylion