Ann has written pretty much everything I would have ! and just so perfectly
My biggest feeling here is the boundaries thing - when coupled with vengeful thoughts - they are useless. We have all dabbled with them in the wrong ways which is what taught us how to lay them down FOR us not others. It's a blessed thing to take back our own control - of ourselves, and our feelings. To put a boundary up that protects our mind, body and heart.
You need to retrain people around you, to show them who you are and what your values are. Whether it's thru separation, no communication, no fighting, etc .... it causes us to stay focused on US. On what WE need. You no longer need to dance around your dad or step mom. They have chosen their path. It's terribly painful but being able to build your own life autonomous from them - will build your self esteem and personal strength. Not everyone is our lives will be there forever and some are just there for lessons. I'm not sure he can ever give you what you need, but you can hold your head high and not subject yourself to the continued rejection. Parent or not, you have done your duty.
My dad taught us when we were young: don't chase anyone or anything.
There was a teeny dog at my grandmas house, the dog would not come to any of us whom were more than anxious to pet and hold him. He hid under the sofa. My dad wasn't a Grinch but he wasn't overtly friendly towards animals. When the dog would come out, it would sit at his feet. If we made any move towards the dog, it retreated to the underbelly of the sofa once again. It was the dog's decision and personality. We had no choice but to let him have his peace.
May not be a great comparison, but it is always there when I begin to chase something that may not be meant for me.
Hugs to you as you grow,
Blessings
JOIE