In terms of the chess analogy I certainly wouldn't want to imply that anyone, either my daughter or my ex, were into playing games with me. It's a feeling that comes from within me, no doubt. I think chess comes to mind simply because he loved it and I just couldn't get into it. It's a feeling that I need to anticipate their moves, and watch my moves closely. In the case of my ex it was mostly because I didn't trust him. With my daughter it's mostly because I want to keep the lines of communication open. I've seen how she balks when I start to say something negative about her boyfriend, or start to pressure her about getting into school. She can shut down frighteningly fast. I'm sure most 19year olds can. So I don't push to hard on certain topics and avoid others all together. At the same time she came to me and told me she was concerned about his drinking. So I do see a positive side to all of this.